Who Told You That? Unlearning Old Stories to Rediscover the Self

Who are you, really?

No, seriously—when you think about yourself, what comes to mind? Are you the “hard worker,” the “hot mess,” the “always-there-for-everyone” friend? Maybe a bit of all of the above?

That constellation of beliefs, roles, traits, and feelings you carry about who you are—that’s your self-concept. And it quietly (or sometimes not-so-quietly) shapes how you feel, act, relate, and live.

What is Self-Concept?

Psychologists like Roy Baumeister have described self-concept as an internal map—a belief system you’ve developed about who you are. It includes your personality traits, social roles, values, and all the stories you tell yourself about... yourself.

"I'm a people pleaser."
"I'm not good at relationships."
"I'm resilient."
"I'm too much."
"I'm not enough."

Some of these beliefs may be empowering. Others? Not so much. But what’s wild is that most of these beliefs are learned, often early in life and shaped by our environment. They're like hand-me-downs we didn’t know we were wearing. And sometimes… they don't fit anymore.

Why Reexamining Your Self-Concept Matters

Here’s the thing: just because you believe something about yourself doesn’t mean it’s true.

We absorb messages from parents, teachers, social media, culture, trauma, and life experiences—messages that often go unchallenged. Over time, those beliefs feel like fact. They become the lens through which we interpret every interaction and opportunity.

But what if your lens is cracked? What if your self-concept is outdated, inaccurate, or just not serving you anymore?

Here’s where healing begins: by becoming aware of the beliefs you hold about yourself and gently challenging the ones that are unkind, limiting, or simply untrue.

How Mindfulness, Mindful Self-Compassion, and CBT Can Help

Let’s look at three powerful ways to reshape your self-concept:

1. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR):
Mindfulness helps us notice our thoughts without automatically believing them. It offers a pause—a moment between stimulus and reaction—where we can ask: “Is this thought helpful? Is it true? Is it kind?”

When you catch yourself thinking “I always mess things up,” mindfulness teaches you to observe that thought as just that—a thought. Not a prophecy. Not a life sentence.

2. Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC):
While mindfulness is about awareness, self-compassion is about how we relate to that awareness. MSC brings in kindness, understanding, and care—especially in moments of struggle or shame.

Instead of spiraling into “I’m broken,” you might say: “This is hard, and I’m doing the best I can. I deserve kindness, even when I mess up.” Over time, this practice softens the inner critic and strengthens a more loving, flexible identity.

3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT):
CBT helps us challenge distorted or unhelpful thoughts. Once you’ve identified a limiting belief (e.g., “I’m unlovable”), CBT guides you to gather evidence for and against it, reframe it, and practice new, more balanced thoughts.

CBT essentially says: "Hey, let’s test that belief instead of just living under it."

When you combine these three—mindful awareness, compassionate response, and cognitive reframing—you create a powerhouse trio for reshaping how you see yourself.

A Practice to Try: Mindful Mirror Check-In

Here’s a gentle exercise to begin shifting your self-concept with intention:

The Mindful Mirror Check-In

1. Stand in front of a mirror. Take a few deep breaths. Let your gaze soften.

2. Gently say to yourself:

   • “I am more than my thoughts about myself.”

   • “Not everything I’ve believed about me is true.”

   • “I am allowed to change the story.”

3. Close your eyes and ask yourself:

   • What’s one belief I hold about myself that no longer serves me?

   • Where did that belief come from?

   • What’s a more compassionate belief I’d like to practice instead?

4. Write your new belief down and keep it somewhere visible. Repeat it when you notice the old one creeping in.

Your self-concept is not set in stone. It's not locked in. It’s a living, evolving story—and you’re the author.

This spring, may you choose to rewrite your narrative with more truth, more tenderness, and more trust in your capacity to grow. You don’t have to stay in the same role you were cast in long ago.

Here’s to blooming into someone kinder, freer, and more authentically you.

Blooming Into Better Communication: Practicing Nonviolent Communication with Ourselves and Others

Yay! Spring has sprung!! Spring often can be a gentle invitation to bloom again. The air feels a little lighter, the days a little brighter—and if you lean in just close enough, there’s a whisper of growth calling your name. As buds open and nature wakes up around us, I can’t help but reflect on what it means to bloom internally—particularly in how we speak to ourselves and others. Lately, I’ve been talking with so many clients about communication: what we say, how we say it, and most importantly—how we feel before we even open our mouths. Spoiler alert: how we talk to ourselves sets the tone for how we show up in every single relationship we have.

That’s where Nonviolent Communication (NVC) comes in.

Before we can bloom in our relationships, we need to nourish our roots—and those roots are your inner dialogue. You know, the one that runs 24/7 like your brain has its own radio show.

Nonviolent Communication, developed by Marshall Rosenberg, is often used in conflict resolution, but its magic is so much deeper. It’s about connecting with ourselves and others with empathy, clarity, and authenticity. And friend, it starts with you.

Let’s bring some mindfulness into this: Are you aware of the tone you use when you talk to yourself? Would you speak to a friend the way you speak to you?

Take a breath. Gently notice the dialogue. No judgment. Just awareness. That’s the first step.

Here’s the foundation of Nonviolent Communication—think of it like a four-petal flower:

1. Observation – What’s actually happening? What do you see, hear, notice—without judgment or evaluation?

2. Feelings – What are you feeling in response?

3. Needs – What need is (or isn’t) being met beneath that feeling?

4. Request – What do you want to ask for that would meet that need?

Let’s try it internally.

Instead of: “Ugh, I’m such a mess. I never get things right.”
Try: “I noticed I made a mistake. I feel frustrated because I have a need for competence and clarity. I’d like to take a break and then try again.”

Do you feel the difference?

One is punishing. The other is powerful.

This practice creates a pause—a breath, a moment of mindfulness—to meet yourself with curiosity and compassion, rather than criticism. When you speak to yourself this way, you begin to create internal safety. And that’s what helps you bloom.

When we practice NVC with ourselves, we become more resourced and grounded to use it with others. Instead of reacting from a triggered place, we respond from a centered one.

Imagine saying to a loved one: “When I saw the dishes left in the sink, I felt overwhelmed because I really need support at the end of my workday. Would you be willing to help with cleanup tonight?”

This kind of language is honest and kind. Clear and connected. It’s not about avoiding conflict—it’s about choosing communication that fosters closeness instead of distance. And yes, it takes practice. But hey, so does blooming.

Here’s your invitation:

🌱 Practice NVC with yourself this week.

🌱 Pause and name what you observe, feel, need, and request.

🌱 Use mindfulness to check in gently—no pressure, just presence.

🌱 Notice how shifting your inner dialogue begins to shift your outer world.

Let your words be water. Let your breath be sunlight.

You are worthy of blooming in how you speak to yourself and others. Because communication is not just what you say—it’s how you care.

Unlocking the Magic Inside: Embracing Happy Chats with Yourself

In the intricate tango of our brains, inner conversations take the spotlight. We all have them - sometimes a gentle whisper, other times a full-blown debate. I’d like to dive into how these mental convos shape our experiences and see how mindfulness can lead us to a more empowered state of mind!

Part of being human often means managing the big and small things inside your brain. Many of us experience and indulge in inner conversations. Have you ever checked in with yourself to pay attention to what you are saying? Is what you are discussing empowering you or disempowering you? Have you considered this: if a friend said the same to you, would they still be a friend? Awareness teaches us the impact of noticing, observing, and acknowledging the presence of  ALL things, especially our inner-conversations. 

Our inner conversations hold IMMENSE power—they can either lift us to new heights or weigh us down. If you are paying attention, you may recognize the influence they wield over our perspectives, emotions, relationships, and ultimately our lives. 

If you can start paying attention, with gentleness, you may find that you can use this super power as the fuel for your intentional transformation and healing. 

~ MINDFULNESS HAS ENTERED THE CHAT ~

Mindfulness is a gentle compass that can guide us through the highway of our thoughts. If you can embrace mindfulness as a tool to observe and redirect the course of your inner conversations, you can potentially start on the path toward your true North! Applying the mindfulness principles and practices in your life can help you be more aware of what you are saying to yourself as well help you shift how you are physically and emotionally feeling. Principles like non-judgement, acceptance, and patience can help you create a new baseline for managing conversations you have with yourself. Additionally, simple practices like focused breathing, mindful self compassion techniques, and meditation can assist you with grounding yourself physically and emotionally. One thing we must learn to do is develop a new practice that supports how we WANT to feel, be, and act. 

Picture this: the moment a negative thought arises, we have the power to rewrite its script. We step back, notice we are thinking and we notice that what we are thinking is not empowering us. Now that we know this we make an active effort to shift the thinking to empowerment in order to be able to live a more healthy moment (try to go moment to moment). This is not about telling lies or acting as if something doesn’t exist, rather, it is about creating an internal state that will be empowering for you to manage whatever ebbs and flows that are currently present.With the shift, you, the main character, can move through the day with more power and resilience. Paying attention to your inner-conversations is a skill worth cultivating, for it enhances our mental resilience and fosters healthy well-being. Know that this is a practice and it will feel like a struggle in the beginning. However, you only can grow in this if you put it into practice. Practicing is the key to engaging in the shift. If you commit to the practice you may find that there is a positive impact on your well-being. Choose empowered thinking as it is more uplifting and fosters a mindset that radiates resilience, gratitude, and self-compassion. It can be very nourishing for your soul as well. 

As we move on throughout the day let's remember the agency we hold to create. Mindfully choosing empowered thinking becomes a transformative act—a conscious step towards a more fulfilling and joyful life. Embrace the dialogue within, and let it be a source of strength and inspiration on your unique journey. It is the ultimate act of self-care, you matter. 

Embrace your W.I.N.

Hello there! I'm Sierra, a dedicated mindfulness coach and therapist, passionate about guiding you on a transformative journey towards inner peace and well-being. In the midst of life's hustle and bustle, I understand the importance of cultivating mindfulness as a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth. That's why I've created this online sanctuary – my blog, where I share valuable insights, support, and inspiration for anyone seeking positive change in their lives. Here you will find practices, ideas, thoughts, and witty yet warm banter for your growth. Grow through it right along with me :).

My hope is that this blog will be a haven for those eager to explore the transformative power of mindfulness alongside me. Whether you're navigating the challenges of stress, anxiety, or simply striving for a more balanced and fulfilling life, my goal is to provide you with the wisdom and guidance to illuminate your path. Together, we'll delve into the practical applications of mindfulness, weaving a tapestry of mindful living, self-compassion, and resilience. Join me on this empowering voyage of self-discovery, where words become stepping stones toward a more mindful and enriched existence. Through our shared experiences, let's create a supportive community that fosters connection and inspiration as we embark on this transformative journey together.